In my day job, I’m a bookkeeper. I’ve run a small solo practice that has supported my family for the past two decades. Early on, as I was shaping and building this new profession while raising my kidlets alone, things were shaky financially, which added stress to my days.
A handful of years ago, it was normal for me to slog through my days with blinders on. Just get the work done, girl! “Stressed out” was my baseline vibration.
One day without warning, my trusty laptop flatlined.
It was my only computer and served as the hub for my entire work life, with stored data and files going back at least 15 years.
To add to this looming setback, I realized I hadn’t run a backup for several months. I know. I’m much wiser than this. But you know…life. It was my norm back then to just grind away.
From the moment the MacBook croaked, the questions swirling in my mind were constant and loud: “What if I lose everything? How will my business survive this? Will I have to reenter all that data pro bono?”
I brought it to the Apple Store the next day, feeling more than a little anxious and trying not to succumb to the suffocating thoughts. The specialist at the Genius Bar did his assessment and then told me it was sure to be one of two things:
Option 1: It was a bad cable, and replacing it would restore all of my data.
Option 2: It was a hard drive thing and it was totally and hopelessly broken forever and all of my data was lost. Forever. And ever. (He didn’t use those exact words but it sure is what I heard!)
Making it even more vexing, I was told they could not repair on site and they were extremely busy (it was holiday shopping season), so there was a waitlist for repairs. He said it would take 3-5 days to come to a confirmed diagnosis.
So what do you think I did next? Panic? Cry? Scream? Obsess over every “shoulda” and “coulda” and “what if” until I was in a full-on state of anxiety?
Not this Brightsider. I went on a “me spree!”
I decided to make the best of my down time. Over the next two days I booked a mani-pedi, a full-body massage, a breakfast and a lunch date with friends. (I can’t stress enough how new this response was for me.)
That day, I consciously chose inner peace. I mean, really…what good would it do to sink into fear and dread? I’d just spent the previous 24 hours in slight despair. Was this how I wanted to spend the next 3-5 days? Losing sleep and compromising my wellbeing? Nah.
My favorite phrase during those few days was, “I’m on my way to knowing.” Saying this to myself took the charge out of the situation and soothed my soul. When that familiar dread jabbered on in my mind, I’d replace it with that phrase.
I’m on my way to knowing.
This week’s Soul Guidance asks us to really sink into some down time and give our Souls space and breath. Allow the next steps to show up for you.
P.S. The Genius called me two days later and delivered the verdict: he replaced a cable and all was restored. What a relief! My spa days and friend dates were well worth it after all!