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The Four Agreements: Principles For Life

By angela
March 27, 2024

I first read Don Miguel Ruiz’ book shortly after it was published. At the time, I was a new mom seeking spiritual expansion. My toddler son had begun asking some big questions as he explored his Universe. One day as we were soaking in the vibes at SRF Encinitas, Andy quietly asked:

“Momma, is God in that tree?”

“Of course. God is everywhere.”

(he paused, nodding and absorbing this idea)

“Oh yea, she loves us.”

In that moment, I felt a burst of love, followed by a powerful urge to join him in discovery.

In the months that followed, I found my heart and mind opening up to various spiritual avenues. Since the digital age hadn’t emerged quite yet, there was no robust “information highway” to access—no answers to instantly reveal. So of course, I bought and devoured a smorgasbord of books. “The Four Agreements” was among them.

If you’re not familiar with the book, it’s a quick and easy read based on the wisdom of the Toltec people, the ancient Mexican civilization predating the Aztecs. Personally, I find that remembering these principles requires little effort, and with practice, the payoff has significantly impacted my Soul’s growth.

The foundational premises of the Four Agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word: Think and speak with integrity. Clearly say what you mean. Avoid gossip, self-degradation and words not aligned with truth and love.

Don’t take anything personally: Know that nothing anyone says or does is because of you, even the harmful stuff. We are all projecting from our individual reality. Strive to become immune to the opinions of others.

Don’t make assumptions: To avoid misunderstandings, get curious and ask more questions. Use clear communication to express what you really want and to fully understand the intentions of others.

Always do your best: Strive for your best in every situation. Know that everyone’s “best” will change in relation to the circumstances of the moment.

Dearest Dreamer, which Agreement feels aligned and (mostly) attainable to you right away? Do any of them stand out as a head scratcher, or a “hmmm” moment?

Back then, I felt like I had nearly mastered agreements #1 and #3. I’d always been comfortable as a communicator, and like an amateur detective, my questioning skills were splendid! Asking for more information until I thoroughly understood something—or someone—has never been difficult for me.

Hands down, my biggest challenge was #2: Don’t take anything personally.

Hold on…say what now? What exactly is this bizarre notion? When someone is disparaging me, either to my face or behind my back, how am I NOT to take it personally? So I’m supposed to just LET IT GO?🤨

Oh yeah, this one took me a beat (or seven) to disentangle from and put into practice. Once I did though, it was as if the imaginal windows and doors within my Spirit flew wide open. More space to simply be.

I get it now. You do you, I’m good with it. The ability to lovingly detach from another’s emotional experience comes more naturally now. We are all just out here doing our thing, and occasionally colliding with one another.

There’s no reason to latch firmly onto someone else’s energy. You can love them deeply without that extra grip. We’d all feel freer if we lived in alignment with these agreements.

After all these years, much of this is now second nature for me, but it’s not like I don’t slip from time to time. When I do, I’ve created a shortcut so that instead of reciting the Agreements, I go with four or five words:

Clean up your energy, girl.

The Soul Guidance reading this week goes deeper into these concepts…I hope you enjoy it💜

watch it here

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